127 Best Guitar Jokes (Guaranteed to Make You Laugh)

We guitarists love being musicians, maybe to a fault at times. But it’s great when as a guitar community, we can take a minute to laugh at ourselves. How tough it is to make any money as a guitarist is a common theme among guitar jokes. Focusing more time and money on our gear then practicing and taking proper lessons is another (lol). But it’s all in good fun.

If you are in search of some hilarious guitar player jokes, you have come to the right place. In the next few paragraphs, we are going to explore some of the best guitar jokes that you can crack on your guitarist friends too! Heavy “Dad Joke” warning. Enjoy.

Here Are the Best Guitar Jokes

Joke 1: What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless!

Joke 2: How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist?

He’ll tell you!

Joke 3: What do you call a bass player with half a brain?

Gifted.

Joke 4: What’s the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?

Eventually, a savings bond will mature and make money.

Joke 6: What do you call a bass player that only knows two chords?

A professional.

Joke 6: What’s the difference between a lawnmower and an Electric Guitar?

You can tune a lawnmower.

Joke 7: A man asks the devil: “how much does it cost to be the greatest guitar player in the world?”

The devil says: “Give me your soul.”

Joke 8: Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Hey, I bought your last album, it was really great!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”. 

Joke 9: How does a guitarist get a million dollars?

Start off with 2 million and try to make a living playing the guitar.

Joke 10: How do you reduce wind-drag on a bassist’s car?

Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof

Joke 11: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

 A Bass Player.

Joke 12: The man asks: “What can I get for a dollar?”

Devil: “You can become the greatest bass player in the world.”

Joke 13: How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?

Nobody knows.

Joke 14: What is the difference between a rock guitarist, and a jazz guitarist?

One plays three chords in front of thousands of people, the other plays thousands of chords in front of three people.

Joke 15: Why don’t bass players like dating guitar players?

Too much treble

Joke 16: What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords?

A music critic.

Joke 17: How do you make a lead guitarist slow down?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

Joke 18: What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?

A moo-sician.

Joke 19: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?

Pick on someone your own size!

Joke 20: What’s the first thing a guitarist says when he knocks on your door? 

“Pizza!”

Joke 21: What’s the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?

The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

Joke 22: What do you call a beautiful woman on a bassist’s arm?

A tattoo.

Joke 23: What do you call a female police officer who plays the guitar?

SHE RIFF

Joke 24: A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be a guitarist.” 

His mother responded, “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”

Joke 25: A friend asked me if I could play Wonderwall by Oasis on the guitar. 

I said, “maybe”.

Joke 26: Why did Darth Vader search the guitar shop? 

To find the hidden rebel bass.

Joke 27: Why don’t bass players tell blonde jokes?

They don’t understand them.

Joke 28: Asked a friend why he was licking his guitar. 

He said he had a good taste in music.

Joke 29: Saw an advert for a really quiet guitar on eBay. 

No strings attached.

Joke 30: A chap with a guitar case at Heathrow Airport asks a man on the underground, “How do I get to the Royal Albert Hall?” 

The man answers, “practice”.

Joke 31: What’s the difference between a Jazz bassist & a large Pizza??

The pizza can feed a family of 4

Joke 32: How can you tell a guitarist is worried?

He frets a lot.

Joke 33: What did the guitarist do when he wanted to turn his amp on?

He caressed it slowly and told it that it loved it

Joke 34: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else’s light.

Joke 35: How do you invite a guitar musician to a party?

Chordially.

Joke 36: Why can’t bass players get through a door?

He either can’t find the key, or he doesn’t know when to come in!

Joke 37: Which concert only costs 45 cents?

A concert featuring Nickelback and 50 Cent!

Joke 38: What’s the difference between an electric guitar player and a vacuum cleaner?

When you unplug the vacuum cleaner, it doesn’t suck any more.

Joke 39: Why did they call the new guy the prison guitarist?

He was always behind a few bars and can never find the right keys.

Joke 40: What kind of fish plays the guitar?

Bassist.

Joke 41: What do you call a guitar that never finishes a job?

a quitar

Joke 42: What do Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common?

They both are better with Cream.

Joke 43: What do you call a bass player with a job?

The pizza delivery boy

Joke 44: What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit?

“Will the defendant please rise …”

Joke 45: How do you make a guitar player’s car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.

Joke 46: How does a lead guitarist change a light bulb?

He holds it and the world revolves around him.

Joke 47: What’s the difference between a bass and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop up a bass.

Joke 48: What is the definition of an optimist?

A guitar player with a business card.

Joke 49: What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?

Big Mac and large fries, please!

Joke 50: Why was the amplifier invented?

So the guitarist would have a place to put his beer.

Joke 51: What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul?

Depends on how far you throw it.

Joke 52: I really like guitars

They just strike a chord with me

Joke 53: Why can’t Woody play his guitar?

He doesn’t know where his Pixar.

Joke 54: A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

The judge asks her, “Are you a first offender?” 

She replies, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

Joke 455: I’m learning guitar and I asked my dad if he had any song requests..

He replied, “Can you play far far away?”

Joke 56: What’s a guitar’s favorite cheese?

String cheese.

Joke 57: I busted my guitar up but I’ll give it to you for free.

Really. No strings attached.

Joke 58: How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist?

He’ll tell you!

Joke 59: I used to hate my guitar lessons

I always fretted going to them.

Joke 60: I always write sad music with my guitar

I guess that’s why they call it a fretboard

Joke 61: What does the radio host say to their guitar every night?

Stay tuned!

Joke 62: There’s a magician who can fold even the highest-quality guitars in half.

He’s known as “the Fender bender”.

Joke 63: Free air guitar to the first person who will contact me.

No strings attached.

Joke 64: Guitars are the most depressed instruments

They’re always getting picked on.

Joke 65: My wife likes to crochet and play the guitar.

She’s a real knit picker.

Joke 66: I asked my father if he could leave his guitar collection to my children when he passes

He said that’s music to his heirs

Joke 67: How does a guitar player show up for practice?

Drunk and late……… as usual

Joke 68: Why are so many guitarists jokes one-liners?

So the rest of the band can understand them

Joke 69: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?

Drool.

Joke 70: Hey buddy, how late does the band play?

Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer.

Joke 71: How do you know a lead guitarist has entered the building?

Got the wrong key and doesn’t know when to come in.

Joke 72: Why are violinists braver than guitarists?

They never fret.

Joke 73: The guitarist of a band walks into the rehearsal room and sees the bassist and the drummer having an argument.

Guitarist: “Why are you arguing?”

Bassist: “The drummer detuned one of my strings.”

Guitarist: “So what’s the problem?”

Bassist: “He won’t tell me which one!”

Joke 74: Me and my friends have achieved the level of Led Zeppelin’s members in musicianship.

The drummer plays the drums like Jimmy Page, the guitarist plays the guitar like John Bonham, the bassist plays the bass like Robert Plant and I sing like John Paul Jones.

Jokes about music

Joke 75: How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but it takes four movements.

Joke 76: What musical keys do cows sing in?

Beef flat.

Joke 67: Middle C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

“Sorry,” the bartender says to the E-flat, “we don’t serve minors here.”

Joke 78: Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys

He was playing by ear.

Joke 79: Why is a piano so hard to open?

Because the keys are on the inside.

Joke 80: What type of music are balloons afraid of?

Pop music.

Joke 81: What did Jay-Z call his wife before they were married?

Feyonce

Joke 82: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor [miner].

Joke 83: What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

Joke 84: Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

Joke 85: Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?

Because she broke the record!

Joke 86: Why was the musician arrested?

Because she got in treble!

Joke 87: What did the robbers take from the music store?

The lute!

Joke 88: What makes music on your hair?

A headband.

Joke 89: What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?

Mount Rushmore

Joke 90: Why did Mozart kill his chickens? 

Because they always ran around going “Bach! Bach! Bach!” 

Joke 91: Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?

To reach the high notes

Joke 92: Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?

Because they put on the salsa.

Joke 93: What kind of musical instrument do rats play?

Mouse organs

Joke 94: What do you call a musical insect?

A humbug.

Joke 95: Why did the fish make such a good musician?

He knew his scales.

Joke 96: What is the most musical part of your body?

Your nose—you can blow it and pick it

Joke 97: What makes songs but never sings?

Notes

Joke 98: Why did the chicken join the band?

Because he had the drumsticks

Joke 99: Which elf was the best singer?

ELFis Presley

Joke 100: What kind of music do bunnies like?

Hip Hop

Joke 101: Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?

Because she broke the record

Joke 102: What makes music on your head?

A head band

Joke 103: What is the musical part of a snake?

Its scales

Joke 104: Where did the music teacher leave his keys?

In the piano

Joke 105: What makes pirates such good singers?

They can hit the high Cs

Joke 106: What has a neck but no head?

A bass

Joke 107: What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school?

MEWsic

Joke 108: What’s green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

Joke 109: Why do fluorescent lights hum?

Because they forgot the words

Joke 110: What’s the most musical bone?

The trom-bone

Joke 111: What is a cat’s favorite song?

Three Blind Mice

Joke 112: Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. 

We’re a cover band.

Joke 113: Which composer likes tea the most? 

Chai-kovsky.

Joke 114: What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? 

BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA.

Joke 115: What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music? 

Swing.

Joke 116: What is Beethoven doing now? 

De-composing.

Joke 117: A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.

I replied, “Is that a fret?”

Joke 118: Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

Joke 119: My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Joke 120: Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?

Never mind, it’s too short.

Joke 121: I’m so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room when I’m listening to music in 4/4.

Joke 122: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?

A tattoo.

Joke 123: What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Joke 124: What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

Joke 125: Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Little old lady?

Little old lady who?

Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

Joke 126: What types of songs do planets sing?

Nep-tunes.

Joke 127: What’s an avocado’s favorite music?

Guac ‘n’ roll.

Conclusion:

We sure hope you enjoyed our collection of guitar jokes and music jokes and it bought a smile to your face. These jokes are great if you are a music teacher and want to lighten up the mood of your students. Not only do they make everyone laugh, but they get a conversation going. To understand some of these jokes about music notes you surely have knowledge music, so it can be funny plus teach your students a thing or two. If you have any funny guitar jokes that you didn’t see listed about, let us hear it in the comments below! We’d love to hear it.